p31: (draft)

gloss: gently experiment/​incline towards meditation serves life; sort of no more [or less and less] mediate "meditative goals as such" whatsoever [if you ever had these anyway]; no "ongoing management through meditative" whatsoever

[eventually naturally unravels until "just in the cracks," anyway, or "spontaneous and not separate from movement, 'thinking,' etc."]

e.g. if meditating makes some things better for a bit then get worse until meditate again; then, if/when/“how”/as safe, don’t meditate as a strategy, during which the some things might get (maximally) worse and worse and worse (advanced "moves" needed: cf. surrender, at mercy, etc., etc., etc.); so like if meditation is a periodic antidote, explore not using meditation in that way, or in any way that makes something "temporarily better,” for a few days or weeks (or hours or minutes) [momentary exceptions or experiments as makes sense, etc.].

this is for (finally) working through that (maybe) (pernicious) have to do something special or some little "oomph" ("push," something) to begin meditating, no matter how small. no oomphs in the limit; totally seamless transitions

• different “meditative vantage points”
• [Low-key “no more separate meditation time” in some sense; giving up meditation time entirely, sort of, sometimes, for a time]
• [Low-key "no more 'just' meditating, or where meditating is the "primary activity"]
• *no longer such a thing as "meditation" just bodymind activity seamless with life and in stolen moments
• just living, choosing life, socializing, service, leadership, whatever, creative projects over meditation, meditation in the cracks of that (might already be in the cracks of life, but if it's not)
• integration, finally; not meditation /then/ life but meditation /and/ life then life and meditation then mostly just life
• safely becoming more receptive, thereby changing self in process, versus “going within and changing a reified self (e.g. becoming an enlightened person or an x person)” (“bad” except almost incidentally as part of the former, sort of )
• (indirectly) transforming so as to safely transform via safe receptivity vs transformation via will, transformation via a will is very limited and eventually all of it has to be completely undone to make further progress, sort of