being (forcibly) ok tangles (h):

If I'm not ok, I'll be a burden on everyone else around me. Being not ok taps the finite well of others' patience and care. Being not ok is a social currency I can't afford to spend.

People won't love me if I'm not ok. People only love those who are put-together, reliable, composed, and healthy. If I stop being ok I'll stop being lovable.

People won't accept who I am if I'm not ok (because falling apart isn't something I'm allowed to be), and it's critically important that I remain acceptable to others.

I'll be abandoned if I'm not ok. People only want to be with those who have it together and who don't need too much. Only people who are ok get to keep their relationships.

Being not ok is a moral failure. Being not ok represents a surrender to weakness. I have to be good and strong, and being good and strong means being ok.

If I'm not ok even for a moment, everything will unravel and my life will come undone. There is no space between "completely ok" and "complete collapse." I must maintain okayness or risk total disaster.

Being not ok would be shameful and embarrassing. It would mean I've failed at the basic task of holding myself together. Everyone else manages to be ok; being not ok would mean there's something wrong with me.

I’ll be taken advantage of if I'm not ok. Being not ok isn't safe. Being not ok makes one prey to others.

Being ok is what makes me valuable to others. By being ok, I can play a role and have a place in the world. If I stop being ok I'll become unnecessary and lose my place.

Being ok is the price of admission for existing in the world. If I'm not ok, I lose my right to take up space, to have needs, to be seen. Not being ok is a luxury reserved for people who have earned the right to fall apart.

To be not ok is to admit that all my efforts at self-improvement have failed. It would mean that everything I've done to improve my condition has been a waste of time and that I have nothing to show for my effort. It would mean facing the possbility that I am unfixable.

The world needs me to be ok. My family needs me to be ok. My future self needs me to be ok. There is too much depending on me for me to ever be not ok.

Furthermore, it's not ok to question my okayness. Given that I must be ok, it's also not ok to examine how exhausting this is. It's not ok to acknowledge how being constantly ok is incredibly lonely.